I Can't Get Over Her

What can I do to move forward after a breakup?

Q. My girlfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago, and I just can't seem to get over her. Even though I think it was good for us to break up, I don't know how to move on. Are there things I can do to move forward?

A. In a very real sense, you're grieving the loss of this relationship. You might feel a little down for a few more weeks, a few months, maybe even longer. In fact, there might always be some little part of you that misses her and wishes things had turned out differently. All of this is normal and you shouldn't feel bad about feeling bad—it means you're a good guy who genuinely cares about this girl. Unfortunately, you'll just have to be patient.

But you don't need to just sit around while you wait for these feelings to fade. There's a lot you can do to move forward. For example, is there anything you put to the side when you started dating your former girlfriend? Maybe you had more time to hang out with friends or spend with your family before you started dating. Or maybe youth group and church activities were more of a priority. Now is a good time to pick up some of those interests you may have pushed aside.

If you just can't think of anything to do, consider trying something you've never done before. Audition for the school musical, learn to play the guitar, take an art class, volunteer at a local nursing home, help teach Sunday school or work in the nursery at your church. There's nothing better than trying out a new skill, exploring a new interest, and meeting new people to help you move into the next phase of your life.

If you're still struggling with intense sadness a few weeks from now, talk to your youth pastor, school counselor, or another adult. This person can help you figure out if your sadness is just the breakup blues, or if it's become more serious.

God told the prophet Jeremiah, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11, TNIV). Obviously, God wasn't talking about dating. But God makes this promise to all of us—that life with God is a life filled with hope and goodness, even in the midst of hard times and broken relationships.